I deleted this. I now post it with an open heart and forgiveness.
I wish time was some sort of intrinsic, yet able mechanism I could control with the touch of a sole finger. Mine or yours, I do not think it would have made any difference. It is a mechanism, nonetheless, one I do not particularly understand or am fond of since it bothers me greatly every time it pulls the rug under my feet and I sweep in gross reality again. I disgust being a hopeless romantic, it overrides me with foolish feelings I cannot seem to administer with rationality, something I learned to appreciate over time. Time, huh. Romanticism is a dead end in my eyes, it is beaming with revulsion in my soul. I wish, yet again, I could never encounter it and run away the minute it pulls me down with its heavy claws and abated breaths. I am a romantic now, a silly, perturbated amateur that forgot what it means to let your heart live rent-free someplace else. This summer, it chose to stay inside of yours and beat each other to the pulp. And hell, I loved every second of it.
We do not get along when our hearts fall asleep. Our minds take control and we argue, we fight, we spit in disgust. Funnily enough, we do not get each other, that is when you begin raising your voice and I lower mine. I gulp in frustration, you light up another cigarette, and we wait for the inevitable make-up when you pull me closer and I let you. God knows why I kept letting you every time since the second you touch my shaky hands, the whole system pauses to a halt in which my soul stops and stares. Most probably, you do not notice the little things I witness from the shadows of your pesky arms when overanalyzing every detail comes in handy. God, I loved you and you never knew. Or maybe you did, but you were too afraid or much too arrogant to admit it. We both indulge in science when the moment to share what is eating us from the inside suddenly appears. We run after factual accuracies to warrant why we did what we did, why we looked at each the way we did, why we wanted to stay a little bit longer and kiss a little bit harder. And God forbid we ever say out loud how our hearts dance while our minds tremble. Opposites attract, indeed. Well, we clashed and crushed all of a sudden, out of nowhere, into nothing. After all, one summer is nothing but. But oh, how I loved you that summer.
P.S: If you are my ex-boyfriend and see this, very much knowingly I wrote about you, please do know I am in no way trying to pull anything. I loved this piece, it spoke from the depth of my soul. Thank you for giving me the inspiration to write it.